Hawaii 2014 day one and two

Getting to Hawaii seemed to get more and more complicated even though our reservations had been made months ago.  Several times I told the DR that we were either really supposed to go - or really not supposed to go.   It seemed as if every little gremlin got loose to mess with out world. But we finally made it out the door with the worst packing job of supplies this head nurse has every personally done.  The DR had one thing after another at his day job and I had more than a few problems crop up including my Sophie acting very ill that morning and trying to figure out what to do for her when we were already supposed to be gone. So leaving Oldest with the task of getting her into the vet, we headed out to take care of both Oldest and Middle's broken cell phones.  Yes- two broken cell phones at the same time right before we were taking off for two whole weeks.  After a lengthly  stop at the phone store, we left phones there to be finished up and headed a tiny bit late to watch Middle play soccer in a major downpour. Not victorious but we saw lots of improvement. And we actually won the 2nd half and didn't let them score.  Next we had to go back and get the phones, get them to Middle and send her home with them while we headed to take care of a few more errands and realizing  that somewhere we had dropped and lost an item that the DR's brother needed.  Nothing we could do about it at that point. We took Grandpup Scout back to her patients and picked up Outpatient and we went to Braza grill for a quick and late dinner.  So good to spend one on one time with him. He then took us to the hotel we were staying in for the night and headed off in my Acadia.  The hotel room was very nice and we were bummed we hadn't got there much earlier.  Huge jetted tub with a giant tv and other amenities..  Too bad the alarm was set for 3:30 am to get the shuttle to the airport.  I had pulled the all-night shift to prep for the trip so by the time the alarm sounded, I had slept for three hours in two whole days. Brain was a bit fuzzy..  Got to the airport and boarded a plane to LAX.  Rather obnoxious passenger in front of us and telling enough stories that one couldn't be sure what was truth and what was truth in his mind only.  Two hour layover then boarded a flight to Lihui.  We have come about 5 weeks earlier the we have come before and were unprepared for how very warm and humid it is right now.  Locals tell us that the trade winds have quit blowing which has set up the current temp situation. Hope they come back soon.
M&P arrived about 6 hours later and finally after our longest drought without them we have been reunited in paradise. Taking them to see our view and unloading their luggage was high on the priority list followed quickly by getting some dinner.. Bubba's Burgers on the menu tonight.  Some shopping for a few basics, some visiting and some sleep.

My Grandpa F and my son.

It has been way too long since I posted regularly- and a lot-  I mean A LOT - has happened, but I need to capture this tonight- and then, I might eventually get the back log up on here.

One of my most favorite people in my entire life was my Grandpa F.  He- of any person in my life- made me feel special and loved.  I had the perfect child for an older sister (well, I know she isn't/wasn't perfect and maybe someday I will tell tales on her) and all grandparent adoring attention (as well as uncles/aunts) was directed in her direction,  but to Grandpa, I felt that I truly mattered and was loved every bit as much.

My mom's dad was well into his 50's when she was born, the oldest daughter born to his 2nd marriage.  He adored my mom and her sister, even though he had always wanted a son, he ended up with 5 daughters.  It is a really special story as to how he had 5 daughters.  His first wife- Aggie, and he had not been able to have children.  A man's wife died, leaving him with two daughters (Marie and Katherine) to raise, and he gave them to Grandpa and Aggie. Then, Aggie gave birth to their daughter, named after my grandpa's only sibling who had died when she was young, but June was born with a mental handicap. I truly loved my aunts, by the way, even though as a child, I didn't understand the family dynamic.  Anyway, my aunts were much older, and Aunt Marie was married and they were all together in a car when there was a tragic accident, and Aggie did not survive.  Grandpa married my grandma, and thus had two families. My grandpa was quite an amazing man. Since he was so much older when my mother was born, he was retired and my older sister and I would go to visit him and grandma every summer for a couple of weeks.  I was always excited to go, but by day two, I would be so darn homesick, then by day four- all was good and we had a great time. Grandpa would take us to visit Aunt Marie and Aunt June ( Aunt Katherine died around the time I was born and I actually didn't know about her until I was 16 -which is a very long story) even though we knew that it upset Grandma a lot. We didn't know why, and to be honest, I still don't really understand, but I guess my stubbornness might come from grandma. Anyway, we just knew she didn't like that he took us there but she never said anything, and Aunt Marie would give us pop (soda) which Grandma REALLY frowned upon.

Grandpa took us camping in his little roundish camp trailer.  He took us fishing.  He took us shooting and was so proud of how well we did.  He loved those activities and decided that sharing with his grand-daughters would have to do- since it was some time before my brother would be old enough, but The Artist never went and stayed with my grandparents like my sister and I did. I was 12 the last time I went and stayed, and my sister had stopped going up a few summers before that.

I adored my grandpa.  He would fall asleep in the evening watching the news, and his false teeth would slip down off his gums- so he looked like he was smiling even though he was totally asleep. He ran this machine called Charlie that tested the air quality or something.  He had lived an interesting life, serving as a Stake President, a State Senator, State Mine Inspector, and he devoted many hours to the scouting program for which he was awarded the Silver Beaver. His father, uncle, grandfather, and a few other family members were killed in a mining accident when he was very young.  He became a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints when he was a teenager, and lived his faith.  I remember kneeling for family prayer with him and grandma, and he always prayed, and then we would say the Lord's prayer together in unison.Grandpa died 2 days after I graduated from High School, and my grandma went in and found him, on his knees as he had been saying his prayers when he passed away.  He was in his 90's.

 He had this big chair in the basement which was on a little stand and in front of a big bookcase.  He would sit in the chair to shine his shoes, and to read. He always had little packages of Sen Sen which were these tiny little licorice breath mint type things.

Grandpa also used to make me Ovaltine.

When Oldest was a tiny boy- between 2-3 years old, I was making him some ovaltine one morning.  Oldest is one of few words and was standing silently next to me, quietly waiting for me to mix it for him, and I said to him, :my grandpa used to make me Ovaltine when I was a little girl, and he said, "I know, I left him up there waiting".  I was a whole lot STUNNED, and I looked at him fully and asked, "did my grandpa send you to me", he said yes- and off he went. At that time, I only had one grandpa "up there" and that was Grandpa F. There have been many other signs that Grandpa is watching over Oldest with great care.

Today is Oldest's birthday, and my mom, Grandma Bunnie, gave him her dad's gun, which had been given to my dad.  It has more meaning to us than just a mere gun.  Oldest came to us with the intense desire to hunt and fish.  He has begged to go from a very young age, and has had to make due with squeezing in a few times amongst our other crazy life activities.  Oldest has been a smiling boy all afternoon and evening.

If there is one person in my life that I wish the DR could have met, my Grandpa F would be that person.  I love knowing that Oldest did.

I keep waiting for the fun.

This post may never see the posted stage-  but purging more of the garbage that has been consuming me is what seems to have helped me today. Wow-  I do apologize for my long absence-  but I have not been able to post beyond entering a title.  I have been far too busy to have the time to figure out what was wrong.  Apparently Blogger doesn't like the IE version on my computer. So- if I want to blog- google chrome it is. I am writing and posting this after a few very difficult weeks.  Things have been spiraling out of control inside of my being- and the outside hasn't been very under control either.

I have had a few trials and stresses, but after having a few panic type attacks the last few days- I have had a conversation with the DR and then we extended that to the in-house patients.  I have a great fear of having a breakdown.  Twenty-five years ago, my aunt who I love dearly had a breakdown brought by many stresses and trials in her life, complicated by post partum depression.  Then, a little over twelve years ago- my sister - came to a crisis point and tried to take her life, also brought on by trials, stresses, and post-partum depression.  I have mentioned several times on this here chart about my own struggles as well as my siblings and other family members struggles with depression and other mental illness issues.

It has been a huge part of life and this weekend I really came to realize that I have been nearing a breaking point myself.  I have known I had issues since I was 16 years old.  At that time, I didn't have a name for it, but I realized that something was not right or normal with me one night after driving up to Sundance in order to drive the car off the road and take my life.  Fortunately, my flawed, depression brain function didn't let me because I thought- seriously- that if I was not successful, then my dad would kill me for wrecking the car.  Not long after that, through what I consider a Tender Mercy, I discovered the name/reason for my feelings and thoughts.

I have only had these particular panic-y episodes a few times, and those times I lost it in a rather public way.  Today was a nightmare even leaving the house.  Going to church was the last thing I wanted to try and navigate, but I needed to teach primary and I love my little 7 and 8 year olds-  freshly baptized and so sweet.  I missed the first hour- after sending Middle and Youngest with neighbors.  I had several instances of having to very conciously focus on breathing and trying to get the giant ball of stress to release pressure just to get out the door.  Do not ask why I did not pray for help.  I have no answer other than I was just trying to gather all my strength to get dressed, look presentable, and walk out the door.  If you don't fight depression, those concepts may make no sense to you.  Anyway.  I made it to teach in time, and class went just fine, but then as we headed to Sharing Time, I just couldn't do it.  The Dr had found me before class and told he was headed home to take some medicine because he wasn't feeling well. I decided to call him- not really sure why other than I wanted to say "HELP".  I felt the pressure in my being building- almost squeezing my heart it was getting so intense.  To my surprise, as we were talking, he came walking out of a classroom right behind where I was standing.  I just started spilling my feelings out- right there in the hall at church.

The past decade or so has made me into someone I don't like, and who it seems no one else does either.  I watch shows where children sing the praises of their mothers and I know that will never be my children.  To them, I am the dictator, psycho woman who rules their lives.  I have been in this battle for other things, and have come out far more scarred than I realized.  I knew that I was damaged, just not to what extent.  I am judged harshly by many who have not walked this path and have no real concept of where I have been and what has gone on in my life.  I have walked it alone (with the sanity checks and prayers of my mother) People have worried about us and our situation, but not really about me. People would ask about the situations, other parties involved. It has been heavy- particularly the last year or two. During the darkest times, people kept saying to me and about me- "she is fine-  she is strong".  I didn't want to hear it then- and I don't want to hear it now.  I am strong- but that is not really a good thing.  As the Dr and I came to discuss today-  my habit is to try and be stronger- and to take on and deal with more pressure when I am already drowning. I begin to try and fight against any and all injustices and to hyper control the outside environment around me.

Some things have happened that have been knocking me for a loop. I have been dealing with rejection.. I have had my eyes smacked open about other relationships in my life. I was released from being a VT- now that was something I desperately needed a year ago when I was trying to work 60-70 hour weeks and still be the hockey/soccer mom as best I could.  To get that note last month was not a plus (yes- they sent me a note- no talking to me in person, long story but that is how this presidency seems to opperate and I might be the only one getting my feelers hurt).  But I am going to accept it as just fine even though it feels like they said- hey- we gave you one person and no companion to try and match schedules with and you still are a loser.  I don't think I have told the Dr about that yet.

This may be coming across as a big pity party- but that is not the intention.  It really is just to purge some blackness and hopefully get past this nasty place I am at.

Back to the prayer thing.  I am not much of a pray-er.  I never really have been.  It bothers the Dr a lot.  I have faith, and I have a testimony, but praying is not something I do much of. I do pray- just not very often formaly.  I have talked to Heavenly Father a lot when I drive during tough times. However, today and the past little bit, someone has been praying for me a lot.  The Dr.  He has been frustrated, upset, scared of what was happening to me, and there were a few of his prayers answered today.  I haven't had a single crushing pressure incident since I purged my pain to him.  We spoke to the in-patients as I mentioned, trying to help them see and understand where I am and how it is going to be a team effort to get me through this.  I haven't slept in weeks without the aid of medication, and that acerbates the situation.

I am sorry to my baby sister for not being there enough for her through her trials lately, but I have nothing to give.  I am empty.  I heard a thought on Ellen of all things, that if you feel loved, then that is the most important thing.  I don't feel loved.  I haven't been very loveable.  I have been trying the best I could to forge ahead and make life happen.  We had a major reconstruction of the Looney Bin a year ago.  It was much needed but the stresses of those changes, added to what was already on the floor- I am somewhat suprised right now that I am indeed still standing.

Have I mentioned my bright spot?  Our precious grandbaby who has a smile to light up the whole world.  She reminds me so much of her daddy and her mommy. After all the trials her mommy and daddy endured to bring her into the world- she is just a delight.  I don't get to see her or hold her very much, and that is hard. She is 5 months old. Five months that have just gone in a flash.  I did anticipate things would be very different from how they have been so far. But her mommy texts me the most adorable pictures of her- and those pictures instantly bring a smile to our faces here at the Looney Bin.

I am not sure if this post will be posted-  or stay up if I do post it.  It sounds whiney and I am not wanting it to.  This is just the tip of the iceberg so to speak of what has been going around in my brain and soul.  It has been forever since I posted anything.

To those in my life who are offended by me-  I am sorry- it has never been my intention to hurt people.  Sometimes I think it is like I am constantly being punished and judged by people who accuse me of being that way myself (I would be a hypocrit if I said I didn't have a huge problem with that, I do)

Holy Cow! What in the world happened to the last 6 months???

What in the World has be Happening in the Looney Bin-

Feeling lost

I am at home - on a weekend- with nothing else to do but clean the Looney Bin and catch up on laundry, get Youngest caught up on her school work and take Oldest to work.  I already did my "work-work" for the day, but I can't get myself motivated.  Why, you might ask?  Well, I should be sitting at an ice rink, watching Middle skate.  I feel like I am lost.  Hope she skates her hardest-

Meanwhile-  Kicking this headnurse in the rear-  ready, set, go!

Lightbulb- or rather admission of guilt

I realize why I haven't been blogging.

Number ONE:  Too many hard things that have happened that I just can't blog about.

Number TWO:  Feel like I am so behind I will never catch up.

Number Three:  Lack of interest.

How is that for honesty?


When hard things are going on- some hold them inside (not healthy)- or let them all out (also not exactly healthy depending on circumstances) and some can filter rationally.  I am not so good at that, so rather than have the 2nd option happen, I have gone with the first, for sure as far as the blog is concerned.  Some of you in real life have not been so lucky as to be left out of the loop (sorry).


I have really wanted to keep up so as to have a journal record for our family-  and it is frustrating to have so many holes that need filling in order for it to be that.  The bulk of last year for instance. It has been especially overwhelming when added to the Number One Reason.


Lack of interest is kind of because I used to write a ton for a particular audience.  The Outpatient would read my blog so he could see the pictures without them clogging up the missionary email, and for my mom during her Chemo treatments, for her entertainment since she was stuck at home. Neither of those apply now.


I keep saying I will try to be better.  I keep not doing better.  I live in the Looney Bin that I am afraid is soon to become an episode on Hoarders.  Kind of hard to justify the time to blog when I can't keep up on laundry, dishes, and other chores, not to mention my patients and their schooling and what have you.

I am trying to get a grasp on my life, hoping that the myriad of issues with reason Number One will soon be mostly resolved (looking much better, thanks for asking).  I listened to a Laurel last night speaking of Personal Progress and encouraging the young girls to get it done as early as they can because life gets so busy when you are a Senior.  Honestly- not to discredit her (the Laurel) in any way because I know she is a SUPER busy girl, but I can't imagine Middle being any busier than she already is right now- so she and Youngest better get cracking- although Middle might have more time as a Senior than she does currently- there is no guarantee of that.

Anyway-

Confession : Blogging is just one more of my messes that I need to clean up.

New Record

Well Folks- here at the Looney Bin, the Head Nurse has a new record.  There is still a Christmas Tree standing in my front room.  It is (finally) devoid of decorations as of today- but still maintains the many strands of lights.  Secretly, I am tempted to throw it out with the lights still on it rather than take the time to take them off and put them away.  I am also secretly hoping that all the needles will fall off so the lights will also fall off by themselves.

I used to take the tree down on New Years Day.  Used to.

This year, I scrambled to take down my kitchen Christmas decor on Valentine's day- and hurried to put out my Valentines decor so as to not deprive my patients of knowing that there was another holiday in there. Somewhere hiding.

I am entirely busier than was ever intended.

Happy 16th Birthday Oldest!

yes- I am posting this horrendously late-  but better late than never, right?

It seems impossible that we have a 16 year old again.  It has been 8 years since the last one blew through the wing. 

Oldest has been on a typical teenage roller coaster- but has been learning to be an employee and worked hard this past summer at two jobs-- was able to keep the one after school started and is hoping to get back to the other one when summer comes around again. He was ordained a Priest a couple of weekends after his birthday because he really wanted Outpatient and LOL to be there, so he waited a little bit.  When they made the announcement about him advancing in the priesthood, the counselor got a little emotional.  He is someone we have spent time with up camping, and he also teaches Oldest in school.  Then our neighbor got up (it was Fast Sunday) and mentioned that he was also a little emotional about Oldest getting older.  I was sitting there in the meantime- thinking how dare they get emotional and make it harder for me to not get overly so.

He is beyond excited to be an uncle- and his own brother is jealous of that- because it will be awhile before Outpatient gets to be an uncle, just another of the drawbacks to being an only patient for so long.

He has played hockey for the high school JV team the last few months, and even managed to get himself up and functional to most of those nasty 5:15am  ice time practices.-  that is, he played hockey after his ankle healed up.  Healed up from what you say??  Well- from him thinking that over-jumping a tramp pit at one of those indoor tramp places was a fabulous idea- until he crashed into the opposing wall foot first and broke his ankle the weekend before dryland training began.

He is not driving yet.  He does not have his learner's and is in no hurry to get it.  At this point, Middle will quite possibly have her learner's before he gets his actual license (and possibly even his learners)  Time for this momma bird to shove that fledgling out of the nest-  if I had the time to shove him down to the DMV, I would. He had his first date just the other night- but it was a church activity and didn't totally count, as it was paid for and supervised by the DR of all people, but he did ask and bring a date.

He is doing well in school- and was a champ on his crutches.  I did neglect to mention that we let him walk around on the broken ankle for a week before we took him in.  But you know how it is-  you take them in and it is just a sprain- thank you for a $1000.00 ER bill-  you don't take them in- it is broken and requires surgery even. 

He is getting along with Middle- fabulously well (for them) and has turned into the giant tease of Youngest.  I have had a lot of mixed emotions with each of these latest birthdays- for several reasons.  The time he is in our house full time is dwindling- and as proud of his growth as I am, I am also leary of how quickly he will be out on his own

01-01-12- and Reflections on the past year

As I read my post at the beginning of the new year a year ago,  I realized how distracted I became from those goals, wishes, and hopes for the year. 

The highlight of the year was the addition of our sweet new daughter.  It almost seems as if she has always been a part of our lives.

We have two teenagers.  I am not ready for that, I can tell you.  The patients, while being very strong willed and oppinionated, are great people.  They have grown- literally and figuratively- so much in the past year.  We have lost teeth, added braces.  We have kicked soccer balls, and hit hockey pucks.  We have sang and performed.  We have tried new foods and skills.  We have camped, spent time with lots of family, mourned the loss of loved ones, and greeted sweet new spirits from above.  We have had trials, and blessing so abundant.

We have watched loved ones meet their eternal companions and joined them in the temples as they were sealed husband and wife.  We have welcomed home three faithful nephews from missionary labors, and also welcomed home the DR's parents from their missionary service.  We sent out a fresh one, and hope to have a few join him in the near future.

Life

I feel like I should re-introduce myself and my ward of patients.  The past 6 months have been pretty tough going for the most part-  with a few scattered reports of joy.

Here it is-  January.  Many things have changed in the Looney Bin- mostly for the better, although the changes themselves felt like the world caving in for a while there.

The best HAPPY of all- is the anticipated arrival of a new patient!  Outpatient and LOL are embarking on that test of all tests known as parenthood- and have already experienced a few stresses.  I was barely adjusting my thoughts to the idea of maybe someday in the grandparent mode- and that very weekend- we received this:

To say that we are thrilled is an understatement.  To say that I feel even remotely like a grandmother is an overstatement-  but all patients are excitedly awaiting the future Princess-  Oldest has  been especially cute with his excitement- although he was hoping for a Prince.  The addition is expected Mid-April, and there is actually hope that she comes a little late- as that is finals week for Outpatient.

Um- Is this thing still working? June Cliff Notes version

So sorry for the unintentional absence of all things bloggy.  My only excuse is that life gets crazy here at the looney bin, and I haven't had motivation in the spare minutes to pull it together enough to post.  To illustrate my point-  I recently FORCED myself to take the time to get ALL my pics off of my camera.  If you know me- well- at all-  you know a few things-  ONE-  I take quite a lot of pictures, and TWO- I usually download them off my camera and have them backed up on at least two sources the same day or within a day of returning home.

Lets just say that I had 987 pictures on my big camera.  I had some of them on the desktop but not backed up anywhere else- so I didn't dare delete them from my camera.  It took me some time to get all the pics from Feb through the first part of July into appropriate folders and backed up as well.  I happened to be doing this while trying to get out the door on one more of my million and one trips I have been on this summer.  The DR was not happy with me for not getting on the road quicker.  I honestly can't remember where I was supposed to be traveling to for that particular trip- it has been that kind of summer. 

When Summer Break began, I had a few major things on the agenda.

One- Oldest going to EFY in June
Two- Middle going to soccer tournament first weekend in June
Three- Middle going to soccer camp in July
Four-  Buzz Reunion in July
Five-  Larsen Reunion in August.

I also planned on squeezing in horse riding lessons for Youngest during the EFY week and Soccer camp week, so that made those weeks busier- but still in the same time frame.

Not too bad, especially considering what our prior 9 months had consisted of.

WELLLLLLLL- that was the plan, any way.

You know what they say about the best laid plans????

They don't work.

In June we added another soccer camp- locally- and hosted one of the coaches.  No biggie- except I was out of town on Friday afternoon when I found out I was hosting - and I knew I wouldn't be getting home until late on Saturday night.  Add to that, the games got an hour behind- so we pulled in to the driveway at about 10- and I dumped stuff out of the car and took off to get a few groceries to get us through until Tuesday.  We also added another soccer tournament and then a rather impromptu trip to Oregon, which I found out was possible on Wednesday afternoon- knew for sure would be happening Thursday morning as I was making food for a funeral and leaving for the additional tournament by noon so I could pick up Middle and her friend from Girls Camp so they could make their first game, then took them back to girls camp so they could make it to testimony meeting.  I have a few Tender Mercies to share about all of this- but that deserves a post of its own.

Tired yet?  I returned home about 9 ish on Saturday night- LOL (she came home with me and Middle)and I ran to the grocery store for basic needs so she could have something to feed the In- Patients while the DR and I drove to Oregon for the week.  The trip was work related for the DR- but it is a long----- drive so I went along, leaving at 1:00 on Sunday.  So- I was home a whopping 15 hours to do laundry and re-pack? We managed to have a nice visit with several of our good friends while there- so that was an added plus!  We hurried home to be there for one of our nephew's wedding open house, arriving with not too much time to spare. We arrived home to a BIG surprise!  All the patients had been very busy worker bees while we were gone- and they had totally cleaned up the toy closet, the food storage room, and the room that will someday stop housing all our hockey gear and become a real live second bathroom.  Holy Cow!  We could not believe how much they had done!  We hurried to help with the open house, and then the next day we were able to be present for another nephew's baptism.  That was a special treat because they live in Washington, and it was held in Utah because he had an aunt get married the day before. 

And- Thus ended June 2012. Possibly one of the crazier months in my life.

Oh- and that tooth that I had the root canal in April??  Well- it has not been my friend. More on that to come too.

I will get back to May at some point.

Oh Dear- April disappeared too-

So much for keeping up with even monthly postings-  but if you could see in my head- you would understand why.

So-  April brought soccer, which is way less time consuming than hockey.  It also brought a work change as we added LOL to the workforce- alleviating half of my hours and taking a big load of daily pressure off my shoulders.  It brought a few other events too.  Like a root canal from which recovery seems far too distant.

I returned home from getting Middle back from her California adventures- and turned right back around and headed out to our dentist and then turned around again to get home and within an hour and a half had the trailer loaded up and headed out to camp for Easter weekend.  It was an interesting trip to say the least.  Total dust bowl thanks to our super dry winter and spring.  There were places when my van thought it was expected to be a dune buggy.  And the DR and I worked almost the whole time thanks to his hot spot.  The wind blew like crazy too- so wind and dust.  But Saturday was nicer than Friday- and the DR and I got a minute to ride 4 wheelers- kids went to the dunes-  and Youngest was granted at least part of her heart's desire which was a few horseback rides. The Easter Bunny managed to find us in all that dust.  The patients were spoiled as per usual.  I must have a talk with that rabbit.

General Conference was amazing- so much food for our spirits- I was on the road so much but tried to listen to as much as I could- just couldn't take notes like I wanted-  but I did HEAR so much more that I usually get to because I was ALONE!

Life moves so fast that before I knew it- the TaVaci Spring concert was upon us-  and Youngest had been assigned a solo, which in her teacher's words-  had her name ALL OVER IT- and boy howdy- did she rock it!  She sang part of R E S P E C T-  and she sold it with gusto.  Tons of laughter and applause with overflowing compliments afterwards.  I videoed it-  but then Middle was messing with the camera and recorded over part of it.  (tad cranky about that !!!)  I know there was more that happened- a lot which I won't be blogging about-  getting fed up with our school district for one thing- that would be a whole blog of its own.

I may end up editing this later if my mind gets jogged.

March- Where did you go?

March was incredibly busy.  Our bantam team took 3rd in one league.  Then three days later- we loaded up patients and Middle's hockey bag and headed to SD for a four state Girls Team Tournament.  It was a great experience and we turned it into a mini family vacation. Got home on Monday and left again Thursday for more hockey- and after way too many years-  our kids finally got it done and took State.  It was a very drama filled weekend- and I didn't get to watch much because every time I was watching, the other team would score- if I walked away, we scored.  So, after a few times- I just went and sat in Middle's dressing room- only coming out to peek- and watch the last period of the championship game.  It was an amazing feeling for my patients and their dad to hold that trophy.  I was so proud of our kids.  We fight a lot of prejudice and discrimination- not to mention flat out abuse from other teams and our kids usually have a lot of retaliation penalties.  This time-  they totally kept their heads and played super clean (for hockey).  We have had some sadness with the team as well-  March 12-  one of the hockey mom's passed away from a rare autoimmune disease.  Then- the week of tournament- the father of one of our long time team members died unexpectedly.  The team wore his number on their helmets to have him "with" them as they played. I have never been so proud of those kids-  and even if they had lost- as long as they played the way they did-  it would be the proudest hockey moment for me.

That weekend also brought a huge surprise trip for Middle-  her Uncle's company borrowed her to use as a Teen Spokesperson at the Pre-Events for the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards.  So- immediately after we got home- we practically turned right back around and took her out to fly to CA for that.  It was an unforgettable experience for her and she got to meet a lot of stars and some of their family members.  Part of the reason she got to go is because she is a 4.0 student- even with all the school she has missed lately for hockey.

Life is not going to be settling down much- so we will see how much I get back to this.  I want to post about SD- so crossing fingers I can post some pictures.  I have traveled over 4 thousand miles since January-  and that is just the miles on my van.  We also put miles on the DR's truck- and my inlaws every so generously let us borrow their much more fuel efficient vehicles as well.

Personal Message from Conference:

Stop It!

Funny today

This morning I had a phone call from someone who I used to VT (JM) - way back in the day :)-  she was subbing one of Middle's classes and she was looking for addresses that she hoped I would have for wedding invites.

Anyway-  the funny part was she said to me that Middle had told her we just came back from South Dakota from a hockey tournament- and JM asked which of her brothers had played in the tournament.  JM said the look on Middle's face was priceless- and she answered - Neither- it was MY tournament.

Never Dreamed-

The DR mentioned the other day that this hockey season has taken him (us) places we have never been before.  We have spent almost every weekend this month at a tournament somewhere-  with the biggie being South Dakota. 


Never in my wildest did I ever- ever- think I would take a patient to play hockey in South Dakota.  But we did. and I will have to tell you all about it as soon as I get a few minutes :)

February Wrap up

I never mean to get so far behind-  but before I know it- it is well into the next month.  Only a few more weeks and life slows down a little.  Very little-  but at least some.

February was busy busy busy.


Lots of Birthdays.  Cony, Jerry, Paula, MC, Youngest- (the most important), Buck, Elliot, Tanner, Ali, Jens, Andrew, Ashlee, Selene- and that is just the closest to us as far as celebrating.

Lots of Hockey practice.  Lots and Lots of Hockey practice.  More than a few long hockey trips.

Actually celebrated Valentines Day with our traditional dinner and stuff-

A super fun Mad Hatters Tea Party to Celebrate  Youngest turning 11.  Outpatient and LOL came out to celebrate with us- although the DR and Outpatient took the sleds out for the day, and the girls stayed to party.  Couldn't have pulled it off without everybodys help.

Middle played hockey in Cheyenne- Salt Lake, Park City, and a big tournament in Cody.

Oldest played hockey at home, in Park City, and Telluride Colorado.

Tax Season has hit- and the even longer hours for the DR have stretched out.  Good thing he had a calling change-  it actually lessened his schedule as far as church meetings and responsibilities. I still haven't adjusted my thinking to him not having midweek meetings- that has been going on for well over 4 years.

Youngest had fun with Activity Day and Ta Vaci, and Middle made the decision to quit TaVaci.  It conflicts with her sports and she loves her sports too much.

I had more than a few issues with my health lately and I finally dragged my super wiped out body and aching tailbone into the doctors office.  I still have to find time to go in and get my blood checked-  but  my tailbone is not noticeably broken or dislocated. or anything we can tell without a body scan.  It was actually feeling better more frequently, and my doctor very kindly handed me a paper with the word coccyxdynia which thanks to lots of root word memorization in high school English, and several months training for medical transcription, I said-  I have "Tailbone Pain"- he laughed- and agreed- and said it is rare- but not in my head.  He had a patient who suffered from it for years and he sent her to every specialist he could think of trying to help her.  All I can do is take a pillow to church, or walk the halls- since sitting on the benches causes me the worst pain.  Anyway-  no real answers yet-  but hopefully soon because I am dying on the vine.  I feel physically like I did back 10 years ago before I had surgery and I was anemic - severely anemic, and couldn't even function half a day.

Anyway-

It seems like February just started and poof, it is past.

Tender Mercies Tuesday- On this day in history

It was Valentines Day in 1986.  I was working at the Campus Craft and Floral shop at BYU (it is no longer what it was- that is for sure).  A floral shop anywhere on and around Valentines Day is pretty crazy, but a Marriage Crazy College???  We had tried to simplify things for us by having those very smart young men and women who PRE-Orders their flowers and/or balloons pick their orders up in the hallway door- right by the barber shop.  I was given that work detail- to blow up and make balloon bouquets, and hand out the orders as well as prep deliveries.  I was so glad I didn't have to work out in the actual shop, where the line wrapped around twice and went out the door into the foyer of the ELWC (that doesn't even remotely look the same anymore either)

During that crazy busy day, we would leave when we had classes and then hurry back to work.  Most of the time we left out one of the back doors so as to avoid the crush in the store.  I do know that I went out into the store front on two occasions that day-  once to get an arrangement out of the fridge for someone, and once to go to a class.  Tender Mercy Alert.

During one of those times, the DR was in the shop, buying flowers for his girlfriend at the time.  Of course I didn't see him that I know of, and if I had- he would have blended in to the mass of humanity trying to get romantic gifts for their sweetie last minute.  Whichever time it was, he saw me, and he noted what I was wearing, and noted that I worked there and was not just someone in there to shop.

One week later- Sue, a girl I worked with, came up to me and asked if I would be willing to go on a blind date with a friend of hers.  I had no objections.  Seems he had seen me on Valentines Day, and was able to describe me to her- "She was wearing a red jumpsuit"-  Sue knew exactly who he meant and had kindly looked up my work schedule for him.  Before you get the wrong idea-  the DR and the girlfriend had broken up immediately after Valentines- and Sue  was trying to help him get right back out there.

Saturday- the DR tried valiantly all day to connect with me (no cellphones in those days-  we are THAT old), and finally managed to at 5:00 pm- hoping for a 6:00 date.  I did say yes- then I didn't know what to do because I forgot what his name was.  Awkward.  I was saved by my very best friend who kindly answered the door, and inquired for his name so he could sneakily share that information with me.

Things were a tad strange because I still lived at home, had a curfew (seriously, DAD???  12:00 in college?)  AND my dad had a strange rule that we couldn't go out of town for date.  I lived in Provo- and Orem was considered out of town.  Obviously, I didn't mind that rule very well.

Dinner at the Spaghetti Factory, then we went to this other girls home ( I have mentioned her before-  she was the best friend of the girl who waited for the DR on his mission). Then getting ME the BABY home by my oh so adult curfew.

Despite all of that- Here we are- 26 years, 2 dogs, 4 kids, three across state line moves, four across town moves, 8 years of infertility, living with each set of in-laws- unmarried and married, as well as untold other moments of drama.

It hasn't been roses and chocolate all the time-  but it has been often enough.

I love you, DR of my heart and soul.  You have made me a much better person, and I am in awe- still- at the events that took place to bring us together at the right time in both of our lives.

Thanks for the roses and chocolate covered strawberries.  They are beautiful and delicious.

The Only Constant-

What is it they say?  The only constant is change?

Here at the Looney Bin- we are poster patients for this motto.

Today- just two months shy of 2 years, the DR was released from his calling as Second Counselor in our Ward Bishopric and called to serve as a member of the High Council.  He thought he might get a break until March-  but no- they are putting him right into the speaking rotation starting next Sunday.

His heart was a little battered when he got the call asking for him to meet with the Stake Presidency.  He has loved serving our ward for the past 4 plus years- first as the EQ president, and lately in the bishopric,  He loves serving with our bishop and the other members.  He has shed more than a few tears this week, and we both have today.  It is bittersweet- but right and the Lord's choice. 

I married an amazing man,  a wonderful person who loves people with his whole heart.  He isn't a perfect man, but he is a great person.  Those who know him in real life know this for sure.    He will do a great job- even though he is a nervous nelly about speaking, he has had lots of opportunities to teach in our ward the past few years.

I mentioned to the Stake President that we seem to be visiting with them about every two years, they asked if I wanted to schedule the next one now.  Um- no.

Hot Flashes

This morning I woke up feeling very overly warm- and then felt that the whole house was super warm.  I asked aloud if it was warm to anyone else or if I was having severe hot flashes.  No one answered me.


My "hot flashes"  turned out to be a thermostat jacked up to 77. 

January in a Nut Shell-

Well- my blogging hasn't gone well as of late-  hampered a great deal by a huge increase in my hours of employment-  like doubling.  Like full time plus some overtime.  And an increase in hockey activity as well.

We started of the New Year with:

Grandma Bunnie had a birthday.  She is older. Ha.

The DR got the tree taken down and out of my house on the 2nd.  That may not seem remarkable- but the last few years it has still been up when Oldest's birthday rolled around.

PB&J was made a Bishop in a newly formed Singles Ward.

Miss Middle and Oldest played a lot of hockey.

Piano back in session after holiday break.

Then- more and more hockey.

I GOT A NEW OVEN!!!!! A double/ convection  oven.

Baby sister's baby A was blessed- but the girls of this ward were unable to attend because we were snowed in at hockey games.

Oldest turned FIFTEEN!  Not sure who gave him permission to do that.

Baby Sister's baby A had surgery on her skull, and that same day, her beloved dog, Flash, passed away. 

Then the night of the 30th, we received a phone call that a young man Outpatient and the DR had hometaught in our old ward had shot himself.

END OF THE NUTSHELL PART.

A little more detail-

 At the meeting where my BIL was called and sustained as a new bishop- there were two men on the stand from my home ward growing up.  That was rather surprising to me.  What are the odds?  He is going to make a great bishop.   We sent Middle to play hockey in a different state with a friend that weekend.  Everyone but her plays hockey on Sunday.  She had to stand up all by herself  (without even her parents) for her choice to not play hockey and break the Sabbath.  She was shocked to learn that two other members on her team are also members of the church (one she already knew was so there are a total of 5 members of our faith including her, which is a pretty high percentage considering there are only 15 girls on the roster).  It is hard for her to understand why they go to church and yet not only play hockey but do many other things that they have been taught are not good.  I was a little worried about what her choice would be, but she held firm and from what I heard, she did it with humility and class.  Good Girl! Her teammates had some interesting ideas for her, including saying that it was Monday instead.  I think they do respect her for her decision  and her coach told both me and her that he would take her any time he can get her, and he would rather have her half the time then not at all.

We had ordered a new oven and it was supposed to be delivered on Dec 23.  It wasn't.  Then it was backordered again.  Well- actually- it was built specifically for us because we ordered white I guess.  Anyway-  I didn't get to do my Christmas cookie baking in it-  but we christened it by cooking lasagna, brownies and then three pizzas all at the same time.  And I have since baked 9 dozen cookies in just a couple of hours.  I need a few more silpats and good baking sheets :)

Oh-  and I taught RS in there too-  I was not at peace with the lesson, and felt that I didn't present it as well as I would like.  It didn't help that my neighbor had her farewell talk that day and our former bishop whom we are very close with spoke as well.  I was emotional, and coughing up my lung- so it wasn't my best.  I hope the sisters felt the spirit though.  Many spoke to me after- so I guess maybe it went better than I was afraid.


The weekend of Oldest's birthday was a crazy one- the girls headed to Middle's hockey.  Outpatient drove out and the boys took off a day to go find snow and ride the machines.  Then Oldest also played hockey games.  The girls got up and headed out of town. nearly had a wreak on snow packed roads and then had to endure the bulk of the trip in a stinky car after Youngest got motion sick and threw up. She gets that from her mother.  Thank goodness that my aunt lives where we were headed and even more thank goodness she was in town and Youngest got a shower.  Miss Sophie wasn't so lucky- but I wiped her with wipes as best I could.  As we headed to the rink, it had begun to snow.  Lots of snow.  By the end of the game there was over 4 inches.  The only roads home are mountainous, dark, lightly traveled, and poor cell phone service at best.  So- after fueling up our tummies and car, we headed to the one remaining open road- only to find it super slick, snowing heavily, and pitch dark.  So we turned around and got a hotel- sneaking in Miss Sophie.  She is a good hotel dog- surprisingly.  I had made the girls grab extra clothes and over night stuff just in case, and I had grabbed my computer so if we got stuck there- we would be prepared.  Well- I forgot to grab clothes for myself- and who knew that Youngest would have used hers up in the first 30 minutes.  So- we made a quick trip to Wally world- and I did a load of laundry at the hotel.  And I vowed to RESTOCK my  car's emergency supplies like wipes and sacks for sick kids.  I also found that I left my power supply at home so I worked like a crazy woman for as long as my battery lasted. The drive home the next morning was bright and sparkly-  very slick and a few scary moments when I wondered what I would do if I could not make it up the iced over hill and I started to slide back down-  but it was all good-  I think we said 4 or 5 prayers for safety- and after the first 30 minutes- the roads were clear. 

In the meantime-  the DR, Outpatient, and Oldest headed back from their trip and got up early and headed out to Baby A's blessing.  I feel so bad that I missed it :(  I haven't missed very many of my niece and nephew's blessings.   The DR and Oldest got home very late but safely.  I am thankful for that.  It was a bit of nutso.

We had Oldest's birthday breakfast-  but because his birthday fell on a payroll Monday- we deferred the rest of his celebrating until the next Sunday. I made his cake in two layers of cherry chip and one of chocolate and it was decorated like the Wild Thing in "Where the Wild Things Are"-  it turned out cute, I think.  I got a little teary as we were singing Happy birthday with our great Neighbor/Friends, and I thought back to the first time we had gathered for his birthday-  the same group- only older and with the addition of Youngest and one other little brother, and a cousin who is living with Grandma and Grandpa.  We have all lived here for nearly 15 years now. 

Friday brought Baby A's surgery on her skull which went very well- but the day ended in sadness with my brother in law returning home from the hospital to find Flash had passed away.  I am probably almost as sad as if he was my dog.  He loved me a lot. :)  He had started having seizures recently and it is probably for the best- as he most likely had a tumor or something-  but still so sad.  My youngest brother and my BIL buried him in their backyard, and in the morning- he and the kids had a little funeral. Baby and Mom got to come home on Sunday- and get on with the healing. 

The phone rang at 11:00  pm on Monday night, and it was Outpatient telling us that V had shot himself.  I wrote about him a little bit here.  He is currently stable and Outpatient and LOL are going to try and visit him.  I was so sad for him that night, I couldn't sleep.  I though about the bond formed with Outpatient during those months when Outpatient and the DR were hometeaching, and the little extra effort for friendship that Outpatient made.  I hope that this will be a turning point for V- and that somehow- that bond can be strengthned and he will find his way out of the darkness he has been living in. 

In all- January was a rather rollercoaster month- super busy, and now on to February.

Finishing out the Year

I have put off blogging because my blog says my photo quota is full. I am trying to decide what to do about that. I didn't realize it kept all pictures from any of my blogs and they all counted against one amount. I took all the pictures off of my recipe blog, just so I could post Christmas.

Anyway-

We had a relatively quiet week following Christmas- up until heading out to the Big City so Middle and the Girls team could have the opportunity to play a game against the Lady Grizzly team. Let's just say- they could have fared much worse. We only had a handful of players with any experience to speak of- and Middle is one of those. Three of the most experienced players were off with their traveling team. The DR ended up coaching- which was pretty hilarious because he doesn't know hardly any of the girls or what their abilities are. But it was a good experience for the girls.

We then drove home on New Years Eve- leaving Middle to come later with cousins, and then Oldest went to the dance, leaving me, youngest, and the DR home to ring in the New Year. We did so with the DR on the computer all night trying to finish up coaches training modules; and youngest and I making a fool of me playing Just Dance 3 and Extreme sports. Let it be known- I can count on one hand the number of times I have played any of the gaming systems we have- but I did get a good workout :) Maybe I better break out the wii workout program that I have never used. I am sure Just Dance 3 is much easier without anyone else around. If I only knew how to turn any of that stuff on. :)

A relatively quiet end to a boisterous year.

Merry Christmas 2011

This Christmas season has been a busy one, but Santa did make it to our house, and Middle, the DR, and I sang with the choir in Sacrament Meeting, despite the DR being sick with a cold and his voice giving out.

Outpatient and LOL were with her family, but thanks to modern technology- also known as facetime- they were with us in technological spirit while we opened most of our presents after we returned from church. There was something rather peaceful about getting up, finding out Santa had arrived, then eating breakfast, getting ready for church, attending church, and then coming home and leisurely opening gifts. I wish Christmas was on Sunday every year.

The DR managed a huge surprise for me- he gave me an iPad- and I didn't suspect a thing! Santa brought the girls new nightstands, hoodies, and other goodies- including a itouch for youngest and a new helmet for Middle. Oldest and Middle also got new hockey bags- with wheels! Oldest also got a new itouch to replace the casualty from this past summer, and a hoodie. We were all very spoiled- especially me.

Afterwards- I took a major nap- aparently missed my inlaws coming to see the patients. Later- we went to their house, opened presents from them and visited with my SIL and her family who were visiting from Washington.

Then- the best Christmas present of all- the return with honor of our nephew after serving the Lord for two years in Fortelza Brazil- it was a little bit priceless to see the shocl on his face as we introduced him to Facetime- so he could talk to Outpatient.

I hope the holiday season has been full of peace and joy for you and yours- Merry Christmas!

Weekly ReCap- Dec 12-18

Another crazy week- but not quite as busy.

Monday was typical- then on Tuesday, the patients had a piano performance- nothing too critical, they performed Christmas music for the residents of a retirement care home where our sister in law's mother lives-  We call her Grandma Billie.  It went well- but it was crazy busy with normal schedule plus trying to get to that with everyone dressed appropriately.  They played well- and the only bad for the day, was that although I did all the Tuesday stuff- I kept thinking it was Monday at the same time and I forgot a major part of my work stuff :(  . 

Wednesday- we ended up doing Tithing Settlement after an appointment- so that was last a surprise-  but finally- we were almost!!  all in one spot at the same time.  We had to give up on 100% attendance because that wasn't going to be possible.

Thursday things finally started to slow down a little.  Friday we headed out to go to see the lights at Temple Square, go to dinner at the Garden, and then on Saturday- to play two hockey games (both big wins) and for me to literally get 10,000 steps in just trying to get some shopping done- because Christmas was only a week away!!!  I have not had a minute so I am way behind.

I also taught RS this week.  Not my best lesson, but many sisters seemed to appreciate it.  Just wished I had felt more in control of my thoughts and calmer in spirit- but that is hard to do when you get up at 5:00 in the morning to drive 3 hours home and get there just in time to get everyone showered and dressed in time for church.

Another crazy week down-  one more to Christmas.